My business story: This has been a journey I’ve wanted to share for at least three years, when my divorce came through, but I was scared.
I was scared what people would think. I was scared of my ex-husband and what he would say and do. And I was scared that I’d be brandished, that divorced woman. So I pulled the plug on the book, The Divorce Diary and sharing the ultimate business story. I pulled the plug on the first launch because I was so worried. We were supposed to launch 18 months ago and then we were supposed to launch again in April, and I pulled the plug on that book launch too.
Even until a month ago, I was still feeling nauseous about the book and the journey that I had been on, and the journey that I’m about to embark on with this book and this platform.
But then one day I just woke up, and I woke up really excited.
What did I have to be worried about?
And who cares what people say anyway.
The right people will care.
And I realised the moral to this business story I’m about to tell you is that in all aspects of my life transformation over the last five years, I just woke up.
My transformation started five years ago when I left my full-time job.
My editor at the time asked one of my senior reporters, “Did I leave the job because my marriage was in trouble?”
And I said, “Don’t be ridiculous, I left because I wasn’t fulfilled any more.”
But it was in trouble, I just didn’t want to deal with it, and I didn’t want to deal with it for another 12 months and I simply just started my business, EC Writing Services, that took my mind off everything.
The business journey
Three months into my business I started a business course, and we had to do a values test.
I was so excited to do this test, I’d never done anything like it before, the values, these values were going to be everything that I stood for and everything that I would build my business on.
At that point, when I wrote down all of the things that were important to me and all the things that would be important to my business, and then I just stared at the page … and I realised one really, really big thing.
That my values didn’t match my ex-husband’s values – and they never did.
That really woke me up.
I looked around the room and I felt devastated and I thought, “I wonder if anybody else is having these same thoughts as me?” And that’s when I realised that I would need the divorce lawyer that I met the day before. That just happened to be the beautiful Clarissa Rayward, The Happy Family Lawyer.
That was my first big wake-up call.
Of course, I started the process of my divorce and while I was trying to run the business with only 12 months experience, I left my marriage, pretty much to the day.
I started the business on July 1, 2013 and I left my marriage on July 6, 2014.
Every time I came up against a setback, I found a way to just wake up little more.
I tried every type of therapy you could imagine. Some worked and some didn’t. Every time I was threatened with court, or money, or lack thereof, I would go into a deep depression.
Sometimes none of the therapies or my own tips, tricks, or tactics would work, so I consulted in my “team”. I had my lawyer, my counsellor, my parents, my family, my sisters, my best friend, and some colleagues, and whenever I needed advice I would go to one of them.
Mindset was the key
This one day, Mum and I had worked out a cunning plan that whenever I had spoken to my ex, instead of falling into a deep depression I would do a money-making activity.
You see when I fell into my state it would mean that I wouldn’t work in or on my business. I’d get so upset that I’d just spiral out of control and wouldn’t be able to do anything at all, which meant, because I was my business, I wasn’t making any money. Or the money would dry up because I wasn’t going back to people. I wasn’t following up on inquiries and I simply wasn’t available to my clients. I just couldn’t.
So every time my ex would call and I would get upset, I would use the word “money” or “money making” to replace the feeling that I felt about him.
Every time he called or messaged, I would get on the phone and hustle. I would do my money-making activities, and it worked because that month I made $25,000.
That’s when I started to realise that my mindset was going to be the major thing that I needed to work on at this time of my divorce.
The secret to business and divorce
Once I knew what the secret was, which is mental strength, I made it my mission to get strong – and I went from crying in the lounge room corner every day of my parents’ house in Cairns, to moving into my own apartment back in Brisbane within six months.
That’s apparently a pretty quick transition.
Now I did a few things to help myself get through it pretty quickly, and I tried to push myself too much and I would find every time I pushed myself I would meltdown or breakdown and then I’d have to build myself up again.
MY BIG TIP:So, one of my big tips would be not to push yourself through it and to take the time that you need to get through this situation so that you can continue to be in your business as much as possible.
Here’s my mental health checklist for separation, divorce and business:
- Therapy
I had therapy every week with a woman named Sue Scarrow, from Personal Peach Clinic in Cairns (when I moved to Brisbane we did the therapy via Zoom).
I did it every week for six months, and we focused on EFT, Emotional Freedom Techniques, and NLP, Neuro-linguistic Programming, and we did some exercises and things around that to change my mentality and to change the way that I thought about my divorce, my marriage, my ex, my business and all sorts of things. We didn’t just only work on my divorce, but that was a main area of concern for me at that time. But also, around my business and how I could keep that going as I was going through this period time.
- My uplifters
I used my up-lifters. They are the people who lifted me up when I needed it. There could be any number of people on that list. If I was having a bad day I would call my mum or my bestie. If I couldn’t get them then I’d call my dad or my sisters. If I couldn’t get them then I’d talk to somebody in my accountability group.
- Feel-good checklist
I had a feel good checklist as well, and that included things like meditation, visualisation, music therapy, exercise, eating well, drinking water, and also doing other things like limiting my intake of alcohol. I didn’t drink for six months in that time that I was living with my parents in Cairns because it was better for my mental health that I just focused on my health and being physically and mentally strong.
- Visualisation
I also did visualisation every night on how I wanted my life to be. How I envisioned my business would be. How I envisioned myself speaking around the world, and also how I envisioned my beautiful life-long partner who I would meet when I was in the right frame of mind to attract the most beautiful man in the world. And I have successfully done that.
- Tapping
I also used tapping, EFT, and I could do this with Sue and without Sue. I could do it to even put myself to sleep. I could do it when I felt anxious. I could do it just to start to move myself from the bottom of the vibration, feelings and emotions, to the top, which is pure joy, which is where I am now.
When you wake up you feel amazing and cool things happen.
Each of these things helped me wake up a little bit more.
Each day I woke up and it didn’t hurt so much.
Each day I woke up and I wasn’t so sad.
Each day I woke up and I wasn’t so anxious.
I just started feeling better and better and better, and I didn’t feel alone and afraid anymore.
Then you know what happened? When you feel like this you meet people and I met my perfect match, and I can only look back on my divorce with love and gratitude. It was just a thing that happened in my life and I’m so glad that it did because it woke me up.
Now I’m living my best life ever.
And I’m still standing to tell the story.
And I’m sharing the ultimate story and business story because it’s important we talk about things that happen in life that can threaten our business’s success.
If you are a small business owner going through a separation and divorce, I invite you to buy a copy of my new book The Divorce Diary. It will be your bible and it will help you get through it so you cannot only survive but thrive and come alive in all areas of your business.
If you would like to learn the art of story-telling to share your business story, personal journey and other stories you must tell, I invite you to do my story-telling and writing online training.
Stories are known to help you sell your products and services and I’d love to teach you how to do that!
